A Companion Always Talks On Her Topics: Should I End the Friendship?

We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly taken by surprise by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle drifted away then, since they had been only interested in him. This surprised her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely understood more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, although she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship is to listen. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She has been organizing a holiday to a nation I know well on several occasions and lived in for a while. I tried to share personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially just desired my agreement with her choices. I've just come back from 30 days in that country she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one is to state what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. Next involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no argument about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. Step three is to ask ways you together going to change the interaction between you."

Consider your friend has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version of their life they're unable to abandon because their very survival is tied to it and it's all they've known. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react this way before reflecting on your words. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you peace knowing you were honest with her.