How to Talk Dating Like Gen Z: 51 Ultra-Specific Phrases for Romance, Sex and Questionable Conduct

The current year marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {